Warning: Whiny, Self-Indulgent Post

I've tried really hard to not be whiny and self-indulgent on this blog. I don't know how many people are reading me beyond the public followers, and I've tried to be upbeat and motivational.

That's so not happening today.

Granted, much of what I'm going to be whiny and self-indulgent about are excuses. Not reasons. Excuses. I'm just tired and achy and sick of a lot of things right now. Just remember that I warned you that there were no promises regarding my sanity and I'm having a bit of a crazy moment.

All that said, I've not been doing the greatest with either my diet or my exercise. I've had to buy lunch in the cafeteria because our fridge is currently not working and I'm limited regarding what I can bring to frozen dinners and canned goods. We're stalking the maintenance guy in hopes that this issue will be resolved SOON because this is really getting old. Exercise, well... I just don't know about this. Trying to work full time and go to school part time AND exercise has been difficult. Not impossible, mind you, just difficult. I'm working on this, too. I've created a paper schedule that has a week at a glance on it with time slots from 8AM to 11PM and I've color-coded school and work things. I now need to color-code exercise things. I just haven't yet. Part of the problem is that I'm aching pretty badly from the change in the weather and that's sapping my motivation. But if I can't get a measly 15 pounds off, I'll never be able to have my surgery and I'll feel like an even bigger failure than I do right now.

I'm retaining fluid again, but I'm not going to let it be a problem for my doctor's visit next Wednesday. I'm drinking LOTS of water and I'm limiting my carbs & sodium. If that doesn't work, then I just don't know what else I can do. Maybe walking more would help. I'll try that. I can't walk for long stretches yet because of the plantar faciitis, but that shouldn't stop me from walking 15 minutes at a time. All I can do is all I can do. Lectures won't help. Cajoling won't help. I just need to find that place within me that will flip the motivational switch. If you can help with -that-, I'm all ears.

I suppose that what it all comes down to is feeling like I have way too much to do in way too little time. I keep telling myself that it's just for 2 years (the school part, anyway). I can do this. Really. I just need to do it and quit bitching. Or, as one of my favorite people in the whole world says, I need to put on my big girl panties and get it done. And if I do that, my big girl panties will come in a smaller size. :-)