A talk with O. @ the gathering helped me to realize that I've not yet done anything, magickally, regarding my weight/health/wellness. I keep trying and failing and getting frustrated. The really frustrating thing right now is just how awful I'm feeling. If it is a flare of the Fibromyalgia, then it's both the worst and the wierdest flare ever. I'm feeling just as badly, if not worse, than I was feeling pre-diagnosis, and I am not entirely sure why. Granted, with the diahrrea, I hadn't been taking my meds and supplements on a regular basis, and when I did, I didn't get to keep them in my system very long. I don't know if that has anything to do with it or not. I'm also terrifically stressed due to J. not working. He's out there, pounding the pavement and putting in applications. Hopefully, he'll get a few calls today and start work this week. That would be fabulous. He's really trying, so I can't fault him. He wasn't, then I threatened his PS2 games, and he started looking with a vengeance the next day. :-)
But, the long and the short of it is that I'm really tired and am not sleeping well. I don't know if I'm tired merely because I'm not sleeping well, or if they are two separate things, but there you are. I'm also aching hard. I've had pretty bad headaches again, but that is likely due to the construction going on in our building at work and the accompanying odors. I also need my eyes checked. The aches/pains are beyond the norm for the Fibro... *shrug* I'm also really aching in my left hip. That's likely due to the fact that I'd not been wearing my orthotics, but it's still hurting. I'd love to lay on the heating pad, but it's been so bloody hot, that I've not done so. I'm not breathing well and I'm not sure if that's due to any sort of infection in my upper respiratory tract, due to the chronic bronchitis that I have, due to allergens/ozone, or just due to the fact that I'm fat.
Oh, yeah. And I'm fat. *sigh*
So, over Labor Day weekend, J. and I are going to be doing a ritual for the New Moon in which we take off the fat suit. We're going to promote our health and wellness and part of that is losing some weight. Frankly, I don't know how much weight I need to lose, but I'm shooting for at least 75 pounds. It's really probably more like 125, but we'll see how I'm feeling when I've broken 200 (about 60 pounds away). I'm more interested in feeling better and looking better, and not too concerned with the actual number on the scale. I'm only going to weigh once a week and try not to get too hung up on the number. We're also, as a way to re-inforce the ritual, going to do a detox once/month on the new moon. I don't know if he's going to, but I'm going to keep a three-day food diary prior to the new moon and do my measurements, then do the de-tox fast. We're only going to do 24 hours, so as to not screw with blood sugar &c too badly.
Goals:
- Lose the appropriate amount of weight (with about 10 # of it by my birthday, I hope) [total amount between 75 and 125 pounds]
- BMI in the "normal weight" range
- Blood sugars normal for fasting, post-meal, and random
- Cholesterol <>
- Improved strength
- Improved endurance
- Improved cardiovascular health
- Less joint pain
- Improved sleep and energy levels
- Clearer skin
- Blood pressure 120/80 or better
Now, the how's are up in the air. I've developed a program, which is in my paper and pen journal. I've got logs for cardio and weight training in my day planner. I'll keep track of my workouts that way. I'm not going to get anal about my diet, because I get obsessed about it, if I'm not careful. Hence the three-day "spot check" once/month. That should be fine. If the spot checks look good, and I have workouts recorded, and I'm still not losing some weight, then I'll go see the doctor and see what he can further recommend. But I'm going to put magickal energy behind this effort. I'm also trying to figure out what my weight is masking... That's going to be the key, I think.
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