I normally have a hate-hate relationship with my scale. It hates what I weight and I hate what it says I weigh. However, I thought I was doing myself a favor by staying off of the scale for a while, which I've been doing. Well, for shits and grins this AM, I decided that I would step back on. Why did I do that? I'd been suffering under the mistaken impression that I weighed about 250. While that is still high, I was content to let that ride. Well, I stepped on this AM and the scale screamed back at me 265. My great Goddess!!!! While it's not healthy, my first thought was towards starving myself. I have to admit it. Even now, three+ hours later, I'm wondering how I could get away with not eating and not have anyone notice.... how I could let my body eat it's own fat, but still do something in order to maintain my muscle mass. How in 9 hells did I allow myself to get to 265 pounds????? How???
*sigh*
I have got to do something about this weight. While I'm still pretty sure I'm going to try the SBD, I'm still seriously contemplating WLS. With the new weight, I'm next to certain I'd qualify. But, could I deal with having my stomach stapled? With a plastic band restricting me? With being put under general anesthesia and cut open?
Yep. I'm fat. There's really no other "nice" way to put it. I'm fat. Dammit. And now I want to go either not eat at all until I start losing or stuff my face full of no-bake cookies. Gods! What the fuck is wrong with me????
