Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Warning: Whiny, Self-Indulgent Post

I've tried really hard to not be whiny and self-indulgent on this blog. I don't know how many people are reading me beyond the public followers, and I've tried to be upbeat and motivational.

That's so not happening today.

Granted, much of what I'm going to be whiny and self-indulgent about are excuses. Not reasons. Excuses. I'm just tired and achy and sick of a lot of things right now. Just remember that I warned you that there were no promises regarding my sanity and I'm having a bit of a crazy moment.

All that said, I've not been doing the greatest with either my diet or my exercise. I've had to buy lunch in the cafeteria because our fridge is currently not working and I'm limited regarding what I can bring to frozen dinners and canned goods. We're stalking the maintenance guy in hopes that this issue will be resolved SOON because this is really getting old. Exercise, well... I just don't know about this. Trying to work full time and go to school part time AND exercise has been difficult. Not impossible, mind you, just difficult. I'm working on this, too. I've created a paper schedule that has a week at a glance on it with time slots from 8AM to 11PM and I've color-coded school and work things. I now need to color-code exercise things. I just haven't yet. Part of the problem is that I'm aching pretty badly from the change in the weather and that's sapping my motivation. But if I can't get a measly 15 pounds off, I'll never be able to have my surgery and I'll feel like an even bigger failure than I do right now.

I'm retaining fluid again, but I'm not going to let it be a problem for my doctor's visit next Wednesday. I'm drinking LOTS of water and I'm limiting my carbs & sodium. If that doesn't work, then I just don't know what else I can do. Maybe walking more would help. I'll try that. I can't walk for long stretches yet because of the plantar faciitis, but that shouldn't stop me from walking 15 minutes at a time. All I can do is all I can do. Lectures won't help. Cajoling won't help. I just need to find that place within me that will flip the motivational switch. If you can help with -that-, I'm all ears.

I suppose that what it all comes down to is feeling like I have way too much to do in way too little time. I keep telling myself that it's just for 2 years (the school part, anyway). I can do this. Really. I just need to do it and quit bitching. Or, as one of my favorite people in the whole world says, I need to put on my big girl panties and get it done. And if I do that, my big girl panties will come in a smaller size. :-)

Tuesday, September 07, 2010


<---- Over there! Look at my ticker! I'm down to 285.6 this morning. I took some advice and pretended that the water weight didn't cause my doctor's scale to go up. I stayed the course and managed to lose weight over a holiday weekend, even though I went to a cookout. Of course, I followed my pre-op guidelines at the cookout for the most part. I did have some dessert but I stuck mostly to protein and made sure that I chewed everything thoroughly. I'm sure that will get annoying to people, but they'll get over it. :-)

Since DH gets off work at 2pm today, I asked him if he maybe wanted to go work out with me this evening and he said he will. I really hope he does! Hopefully we can get his venous stasis ulcers healed so that he can get in the pool with me, too. Until then, it's the exercycle and some walking for us both. But Tues/Thurs are my weightroom days, so he'll either do weights with me, or do cardio while I'm doing weights.

DH & I got to talking about how cooking in our household will change post-op and he said that he's actually looking forward to it. He admitted to me that he's watching with great interest to see how I do with my surgery because he's been thinking about it, too. I love being a guinea pig. :-) Seriously, though... I think that, if he starts working out with me or on his own and if he follows my diet (albeit in slightly larger amounts), he'll lose enough weight that he won't need the surgery because he loses well, when he puts his mind to it. I think that part of his problem is that he doesn't eat enough and he certainly doesn't eat the right things. So, we're working on it. I know that my MIL is worried that family gatherings will change completely after I have my surgery because they won't center around food. I've tried to tell her that they don't, now; there just happens to be food. I told her that I would get her a bariatric cookbook so that she and my BIL (who is a chef) can work on learning bariatric surgery-friendly recipes, though I'm not worried about it. If there's a protein source, I'm good to go. :-)

Friday, September 03, 2010

Month 4

Of all the gorram days for my body to decide it is going to go into competition with the Hoover Dam over who can retain the most water, it would have to be today? Why?!? So, even though my scale at home has had me as low as 286# in the past week, I showed a 2# gain at the doctor's office this morning. Grrrrr! But, have I mentioned how much I ♥ my doctor? We talked about what I've been doing and he's happy with that so he told me to not get so frustrated with myself. Just keep doing what I know I'm supposed to be doing and not stress about it. Stressing will just make me hang on to fluid and will pump cortisol through my system. So, I'm going to go with that and not worry about it so much... or at least try to.

He checked my feet and said that what I'm experiencing sounds like plantar faciitis to him, too. He told me that what I was doing was what I am supposed to do for it and he refrained from prescribing steroids, which is good. He told me that there is a strap that running stores sell that holds your foot in a flexed position while you sleep to help keep the ligaments from contracting overnight, resulting in the "OMG, WTF" pain upon rising in the morning. So, I'm going to look into that.

My flare seems to be on the way out, so I'm going to get back to the gym next week. Darn it. :-) I also was very careful today to not get anything overly gluten-y. While very few oats are gluten free in the US, I stayed away from anything with flour/wheat in it today. I know that eating GF (or near enough) is the key to feeling better and feeling better is the key to exercising consitently and exercising consistently is the key to getting and keeping this weight off. So... GF for me! My friend S. says "Don't be a glutton for gluten". :-)I think I need a t-shirt. Hopefully the eating the pre-op diet sans gluten will help me acheive the 15-30-pound weightloss I'm supposed to have prior to surgery.

School is threatening to eat my head, so I've got to get on track and get some stuff done this weekend so that it doesn't have a chance. :-) I've got a 3-day weekend, so I can do homework & housework and still get a little rest. Have a great one, everyone!